Hold me tight

Recently I've had this feeling of being lost.  You know for a long time now I've know what I wanted, and now that is not longer the case.  I wonder what the great figures of my life would think of me now.  I'm 22 and no career yet.  I know I'm not the only one, and I am glad not to be alone.  I remember my elementary graduation, my teacher standing there as we passed to graduate, and at the end she gave me a calculator.  I don't remember her exact words or what she said, but I do remember the message.  She told me then that great things awaited my future, and my career, and told me I would do well.  I had high hopes, I was on top of my class you see, my small class.  Things got tough in middle school I had horrible grades in Spanish, you see grammar is difficult to grasp.  Math too, but at least it has a more logical approach so I could always make it.

I want to scream sometimes, no, maybe whine, but that won't help.  I'm not sure what I want.  I used to tell my mother then I was starting school that I wanted to be a scientist.  I loved science, and nature.  It was later that I found out they called that Biology, and I always new I would go to college.  It wasn't something you wondered about it was something that happened.  I didn't realize how poor we were back then I wonder what my mother thought.  You know, no matter what I like it always has something that sticks out and stabs my grades.  I took CIS and almost finished too (Computer Information Systems), but it wasn't until I was in the program that I figured out it was economics and business intensive.

I hate money speak; it doesn't interest me.  I went into right after I read "flash cs, photoshop, etc."  I had a big smile, and thought hey this is going to be fun, and that one class was.  Those things were a hobby of mine.  However in the other class we had to program a calculator and make a game.  It was hard and my game was extremely lame.  What really killed me though was Cobol, and I don't even know what that was anymore.

I don't know what to do.  I'm afraid to go back to nursing.

I still like to write, draw and read about science.  I just don't know.